Saturday, May 29, 2010

An Indescribable Feeling

I was told this morning that one of my friends at the office had undergone a D & C the other day. D & C is acronym for dilation & curettage or in Filipino term “raspa”.  She was pregnant and having the said procedure only means that something went wrong with her pregnancy.

Hearing of news like this only reminds me of my own loss just early this year. 

I was 7 weeks pregnant then when I experienced a little spotting, just a little spot of brownish discharge. At first I didn’t mind it because I didn’t feel any pain or discomfort but when the discharge continued for another day (although it is only in very small quantity), I contacted my obstetrician and asked if it was normal, she told me that it’s not normal and I have to see her for a check-up.

When I arrived at the doctor’s clinic, my doctor instructed me to have a transvaginal ultrasound so she will know the condition of my baby. I complied and went to a nearby clinic for the ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the doctor told me that my baby has no heartbeat…..what???.... I don’t know how to react because it was the first time I heard of such a finding and I thought my OB will just give me a medication or supplement and everything will be alright. I have two normal pregnancies before and I never thought of having any problems with my third.

                                               My Ultrasound result

I went back to my OB’s clinic and gave her the report of my ultrasound. There, she explained to me that I have a missed abortion. There’s nothing more she can do but to remove the content of my uterus so as to prevent an occurrence of infection which will put me in danger once the infection will spread.

I was shocked at what I heard and I don’t know what to do. I texted my husband and he too was shocked. Just a month ago, we were happy to know that we will have our 3rd child and now….I just can’t describe the feeling.

I was admitted in the hospital and was prepared for a D & C procedure.  It took only less than 30 minutes for the curettage procedure and I was discharged from the hospital after two days confinement.  Physically, I had a quick recovery except for an onset of a high blood pressure two weeks after the procedure. My OB gave me an anti- hypertensive drug and my blood pressure returned to normal after two weeks. Regular monitoring was advised for my blood pressure. Psychologically, I was still devastated after a few months after my miscarriage. I kept on thinking that what happened was my fault, that I did not took care of myself really well that affected my baby’s condition. I blamed myself for what had happened.

It’s been 4 months since the miscarriage happened and I’m thankful that I have moved on. I learned to accept the fact that my 3rd baby is not meant to stay with us and I believe he/she is much better up there. Focusing more on the blessings  that God has already given me (my husband, my children, our relatives and friends), helped me to move on faster.

For my friend, I know, no words can describe how she felt right now but life has to move on. Things do happen that our mind and heart can’t comprehend but God has His plans, He sees the bigger picture…let’s just continue trusting Him.

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